it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
