Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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