I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
