Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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