Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
