JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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