She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
