Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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