she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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