Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
