I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
