Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
either way he was missing a nipple.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
