The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
