Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
