I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
