Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
