it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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