That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
