how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
