:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
