My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The air taste purple.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
