I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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