we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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