and she was petting her beer can
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
