you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
