just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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