he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
