He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize