from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
