Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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