even my farts smell like vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
