i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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