so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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