god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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