Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
