Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
