i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
