where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
