We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
