My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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