New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
