Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
