Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
