All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
