Buhtt sex?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
