so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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