There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize