If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
