i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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