I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
