Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
