He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
