i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
