it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
