My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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