Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
