sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
