I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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