In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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