I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize