ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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