you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
