I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
