Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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