dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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