I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
