This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
