Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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