mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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