someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
