I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
