I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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