I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
